Numb
by jamieg2892
Summary: SUICIDE FIC! gohan cant deal with the grief of his dad's death...


**Numb**

Chi Chi came into Gohan's room carrying a small glass of orange. Gohan was sat at his desk staring at the crème/yellow walls while resting his head in his hands.

"Gohan darling, I brought you a drink. You've been sat in here ever since you came home" she said, walking over to her silent son. Gohan didn't move an inch. He fixed his gaze on the wall infront of him.

For a few seconds there was an uncomfortable silence, before Chi Chi setting the drink down and kneeling down next to Gohan.

"Look Gohan, we all miss your father. He was special to us all, but we have to get along without him. He himself said he would rather stay in heaven."

Gohan's head bolted round to Chi Chi's and his eyes glared into hers with rage and anger.

"YES! BUT IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT HE'S DEAD IS IT??" he screamed, causing his mother to step back a small distance. Gohan turned his head once again round to the wall and stared ahead.

Chi Chi spun round and walked out the room, shutting the door behind her.

**Don't wanna hear the news, what's going on**

**What's coming through, I don't wanna know**

Gohan clenched his fists harder, overcome with the grief and guilt of his father's death. His body was brimming with rage, his muscles tensing with every thought that came into his head.

**Just wanna hide away, make my escape**

**I want the world to leave me alone, feels like I feel too much**

**I've seen too much, for a little while, I want to forget**

'Dad, it was my fault you're not with us now. How could have I been so stupid? Why didn't I finish off Cell when I had the chance?' he said in his head, lowering his hands down onto the desk. He glanced over at the glass with the bright orange substance sitting neatly in it.

**I wanna be numb, I don't wanna feel this pain no more**

**Wanna lose touch, I just wanna go lock the door**

**I don't wanna think, I don't wanna feel nothing**

**I wanna be numb**

Suddenly, he grabbed the glass and threw it across the room at the opposite wall. It smashed all over the floor and orange juice ran slowly down the walls.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT GUILT?!"

**Can't find no space to breathe, world's closing in right on me now**

**Well that's how it feels, too much light**

**There's too much sound, I wanna turn it off and shut it out**

**I need some relief, I think too much**

**I've seen too much, there's too many thoughts in my head**

Gohan's ki rose and his anger grew equally. He wished that his Dad was still there, still able to hug him goodbye. Still able to kiss him goodnight, still able to help him with his work. Still able to bathe with him in the tub outside, still able to train him to his maximum power.

**I wanna be numb, I don't wanna feel this pain no more**

**Wanna lose touch, I just wanna go lock the door**

**I don't wanna think, don't wanna think nothing**

**I wanna be numb**

"Dad, it should be me up there. Without you the Earth would be gone and the universe would be wiped from existence. You don't deserve to be away from us" the young boy muttered to himself, looking at the scars on his left arm and the cuts to his chest and legs.

**Taken away from the madness, need to escape**

**Escape from the pain, I'm out on the edge**

**About to lose my mind, for a little while**

**I wanna be numb**

Gohan ran his fingers down the deep gashes and slices, feeling the rugged scratches and scabs. He was confuse, troubled. Tortured, tormented. If his Dad had to go through pain, so would he.

He pressed two of his fingers hard onto the deep cut on his left arm, digging his nails into it and drawing blood which neatly dripped down his arm and onto the carpet.

**I don't wanna think, I don't wanna feel nothing**

**I wanna be numb**

He cringed in pain and his arm tensed up. He fought against the urge to pull his hand away but he pushed harder. A little groan escaped his mouth and he clenched his eyes together.

**I don't wanna feel this pain no more, I wanna be numb**

Gohan grabbed his thick, black hair and tugged at it and running his hands through it. His fingers rubbed his scalp, trying to rid his head of these thoughts and fears.

**I wanna go lock the door, I don't wanna think nothing**

**I wanna be numb**

Then, he placed his hands together in a large fist and punched his stomach as hard as he could. He gasped for air and coughed up saliva. The boy fell to his knees and rested one arm on the floor, spitting out the residue that entered his mouth.

**Taken away from the madness, I wanna be numb**

Gohan glanced over to his right and spotted a small shard of glass from the cup he had destroyed before. He immediately grabbed it and put it to his palm.

He pushed hard onto his skin and the glass split it open.

"ARGH!" he yelled while dragging the glass along his flesh. "This is for you Dad!"

**I wanna escape from the pain, I wanna be numb**

Blood stained his carpet deep crimson and shone in the sunlight coming in from the window. The pain was excruciating but Gohan was determined to go through his own torture to punish himself for his acts.

All of a sudden, Chi Chi burst through the door with a look of sheer terror on her face as she looked at her half-dead son kneeling on the floor.

**I wanna just go and lock the door, I wanna be numb**

"GOHAN!!" she screamed rushing over to his side and grabbing him while his limp little body fell onto hers.

"Mom, I did this for Dad. He went through pain, why should he suffer and I not? I killed him. I…I…I'll miss you…"

And then, his eyes fell shut. His face drooped and his voice fell silent.

**I don't wanna feel this pain no more, I don't wanna feel nothing**

**I wanna be numb**

Chi Chi couldn't believe what had just happened. She shook the boy's body violently while yelling his name at the top of her voice.

"GOHAN!!! GOHAN!!! WAKE UP GOHAN!! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!! MY BABY!!"

And Goku looked down over them all and whispered…

"Gohan, what have you done…"

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